Whether in toxic love relationships, friendships with narcissists or at work with difficult colleagues: manipulation by other people can threaten you in all areas of your life. Fortunately, the procedures in psychology are well researched! We'll show you which behaviors and tricks, according to psychotherapists and coaches, really protect you against manipulation.
#1 set limits - no ifs or buts
Psychotherapist Nedra Glover Tawwab specializes in the important topic of personal boundaries. Manipulation always occurs when someone presses you into behavior that exceeds your personal limit. According to her, you will recognize this as soon as you feel uncomfortable when you are talking to the person concerned, or even when you receive a message from them. To counteract this, you need to make it clear that a limit has been exceeded for you - for example, if you are constantly supposed to do someone a favor for no consideration. But that is usually not the end of it.
If you are manipulated skillfully, the other person will try to portray you as overly sensitive or selfish. According to the expert, statements such as "You are exaggerating completely!" Or "You are quite sensitive right now" are typical tactics of people who manipulate others. It is now important to stay tough and make it clear to yourself that your own needs are justified and must also be accepted by others.
#2 Don't let yourself feel guilty
Suppose you are asked by someone to do them a weekend favor that would cost you a whole day. When asked, your alarm bells will ring immediately, because you know how necessary you have the weekend. You may even be afraid of getting sick without the necessary rest, or of simply collapsing from stress. If you deny the request, empathetic people will understand that you unfortunately don't have time.
Manipulative people, on the other hand, will try to make you feel guilty with sayings like: "I would do it too if you asked me." According to therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, whether this is actually the case is not at all relevant at this point . You have to learn to stick to your statements and learn to recognize such contradictions as manipulative behavior.
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#3 Pay attention to non-verbal behavior
According to the renowned psychologist Jordan Peterson, everyone encounters a narcissistic psychopath at least once in their life. This person will assume that you are stupid and that you deserve to be manipulated. In fact, according to him, psychopaths manage to deceive even intelligent people with their manipulative tactics. The observation and questioning of narcissistic offenders have shown that they can influence even experienced police officers through non-verbal behavior. A popular tactic is, for example, if your counterpart is constantly looking at his or her fingernails during a conversation - according to the motto: The dirt under my fingernails interests me more than you. This skillful keeping the other person small leads to a certain superiority. Therefore, try to pay attention to such behavior and demand the unrestricted attention of your interlocutors.
#4 Don't get involved in discussions
Relationship coach Stephanie Lyn also recommends targeting manipulative people directly by their behavior. Childish behavior is particularly typical: Manipulative people have learned from an early age that they always get what they want, as long as they whine, yell or use their persuasive skills enough. That they are also the reason narcissists rarely compromise or accept no. If you clearly set your boundaries, a manipulative person will always try to belittle you. Here it is important not to get involved in discussions. The best thing to say in a situation like this is, "I'm sorry you feel this way."
#5 You are not responsible
Lisa A. Romano, coach for those affected by codependence, points out that manipulative people like to blame other people around them for their misconduct. For example, do you have a girlfriend who indirectly blames you for not having a happy relationship or for not finding a job? Or a partner who persuades you that you are the reason why he or she is not motivated to do sports? Here it is important to take your responsibility very clearly. Unless it's yours If you act with your own underage children, you are not responsible for the failures of others, including that of your closest friends or your partner.