5 reasons for not having enough sex in a relationship

When it comes to the question of whether your own sex is not enough, it is best to consider how much sex was “normal” at the beginning of the relationship.

The desired frequency after sex is usually different for each partner. Therefore, it may be that for one person it is not enough, which the other finds completely normal.

In general, however, in long-term relationships, the desire for sex decreases and the dissatisfaction of one or both partners increases.

Also watch my video “No Sex in Marriage (4-Phase Model)”, in which I explain how the man feels when there is little/no sex anymore.

The 5 main reasons for not having enough sex in a relationship

Table of contents

Reason 1: Same processes without real contact
Reason 2: Lack of pleasure fulfillment
Reason 3: Fear of pressure and/or rejection
Reason 4: Emotional cooling down
Reason 5: The house blessing is wrong
Conclusion

Reason 1: Same processes without real contact

For many couples, the same process takes place in bed, perhaps with variations, but still generally the same things happen. Certain positions, hand grips, hand movements and thrust techniques are standard. To put it bluntly: “She turns on her side and he has to finish it,” a man told me recently. Of course, this gets boring in the long run and doesn't invite you to get involved with each other and really open up.

How about you?

Can you do something to ensure that the same thing doesn't always happen? So what would have to happen to take a different route and dare to try something new? Do you need her OK to allow you to do this? How much freedom do you allow yourself or do you take up and when do you use your freedom to make decisions?

Reason 2: Lack of pleasure fulfillment

One or both partners come up short in lovemaking, so it's not clear that climax will occur. Of course, the orgasm gap also comes into play here, which states that women reach orgasm a third less often than men.

And yes, a bland love life is usually focused on getting over quickly. However, in practice there are also cases in which the man does not get a chance. No matter what it looks like, satisfaction with the act usually decreases and frustration sets in.

How about you?

Have you ever wondered how pleasurable your love life is for each of you? This question can be very painful because it is not about the big “WE” in which the individual perhaps disappears, but rather the question throws the laser pointer right at you or them. Look carefully and admit the truth to yourself. If you have NEVER talked about it before, you can be sure that this is exactly the topic that can be looked at.

Reason 3: Fear of pressure and/or rejection

Fear of pressure or rejection is present on both sides. It makes approaching each other extremely difficult. Many men have experienced so many times that their desire for sex has not been fulfilled that they don't even ask. Many women are so annoyed by the constant groping of a man who is only looking for sex that they no longer want to get involved. In many relationships, the woman regularly gives herself to the man so that he gives peace of mind or does not leave her.

How about you?

The feelings of rejection, shame and guilt are usually very deeply buried. They can affect the body level and cause sleep problems, for example. Some men can't sleep at night. Maybe you've found a replacement job so you don't get rejected anymore?

Reason 4: Emotional cooling down

After a few years, it becomes common in everyday life that everyone lives their own life. You have come to terms with each other and know the positions and inclinations of the other person. There is no longer any exchange about how everyone is doing in the relationship and with each other. Everyone does their own thing. This leads to, at least for the partner, that she feels increasingly uncomfortable and is therefore usually no longer able to open up physically.

How about you?

The point here is to ask yourself why you are with your partner and how you want to fill the male role at her side. Many men only take part on a formal basis and have long since left emotionally. Specifically, this means: What is your role as a man?

Reason 5: The house blessing is wrong

If the mood is poisoned by a bad mood or an argument and it's about who is right, it becomes clear to both of them that they can no longer experience joy in bed. Something has been going wrong here for a long time and these injuries must first be looked at and healed before intimate encounters can take place again. Of course, this takes longer and can be more difficult because both parties “have to” open up to each other again.

How about you?

You make trouble for her and she makes trouble for you. That doesn't make anyone happy. Please seriously ask yourself whether and to what extent you want to win this losing battle. What is there to win? Do you really have to be right all the time?

Conclusion

If you find it difficult to answer these reflective questions and incorporate the insights gained from them into your communication, I recommend that you first start working on your closeness.

Women really want their partner to be really close to them and to be interested in them. If she senses your interest, it will be much easier for her to open up.

If this is difficult for you, you don't see any change or you don't really know where to start, you can always come to me for a free love life discussion. Then we'll see together what it takes to experience more fun in bed again.

About Jenny Kühne

Jenny is a love coach for devotion and openness in bed and translates to men what women want in bed and in everyday life and what they really need.

She is now the author of seven books and reaches around 1 million men a month through her YouTube channel.

Through her coaching and programs, she supports men in achieving a fulfilling love life with their own partner and in being a confident life partner.

Let's talk directly!
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